Cities, part 2: Las Vegas

Over this past semester, I have visited three different cities that I had never been to before.

The first was Washington D.C. I blogged about this experience in an older post.

The second was Las Vegas. I went there for a basketball tournament and didn't have to pay anything...the team in Las Vegas covered the plane tickets and hotel.

Las Vegas was interesting. I described it in a text to a friend like this:

"There is sex everywhere....it's a bit ridiculous."

No joke. First, when we exited the plane into the airport, there were tons of billboards with girls (and guys) wearing very little clothes. Then, we were driven to our hotel, which happened to be nextdoor to a strip club (don't worry, we didn't go to it....though it did feel a little weird to have to walk past it anytime we left the hotel). Walking around Vegas, there were those boxes that you drop money in and pull out a newspaper....except here there were pornographic magazines instead of newspapers. Everywhere you turn: sex. Not even an exaggeration.

Strangely, my faith in God felt more real and legitimate in Vegas.

I was surrounded by a city whose economy is based on satisfying immediate desires with counterfeit means of fulfillment. Come to Vegas, see lots of naked girls (or guys), have sex, win (probably lose)lots of money! That's the selling point. Really? Is that why millions of people visit this city every year? Is that really what all these people are searching for?

Yeah...sort of.

But it's all just fake. Sex will leave a person wanting more. Money (more than we need, anyway) will only leave us more bored, lonely, and depressed. What I have in Christ is so much better (I'm completely convinced about this) than what sex and money have to offer.

We were in Vegas for less than 48 hours (and we played 5 basketball games), so we had basically no time to spend in the city. But the thing I most wanted to do there is find some Christians who live there and just talk with them about what it's like to live in Vegas. I wondered what the church is doing in that city. With all the hurting, broken, desperate people there (either addicted to sex or having gambled away all their money), what a great opportunity for the church to rise up and offer something so much better! I assume there are good churches even in Las Vegas.....if not, one of us needs to go start one. It could be beautiful. Think about it.

The third was Memphis. (which I will save for another post)

Hold on, baby, hold on. This place is not our home.

The last month or so, I've been really distant from God. Prayer, reading the Word, worship through music, all have been difficult to do.

I feel apathetic. I feel like all the work I've tried to do to further God's kingdom has been fruitless and in vain (I know this isn't true, but knowing the truth about something doesn't always cancel out the feeling).

I started out the semester excited about outreach in the dorms, building into people, discipleship, etc. It seems like all the people I've met with and tried to build into have disappeared or, if anything, become less interested in God.

The toughest thing of all is back home. Two of my best friends, one being a huge part of my testimony and the other being someone I used to look up to spiritually, don't believe in God at all anymore. They stopped following God over a year ago, so this isn't something that just happened, but it's been getting to me lately. I've prayed for these guys quite a bit, definitely more than I've prayed about most other things. I know God has the power to bring them back...

...but He hasn't. I don't know why. I don't know what He's waiting for. I don't get it. And I'm pretty angry with God about it. Probably not a good place to be, but it's the truth about where I'm at with it.

So, that's the barrier. The wall. The chasm between God and I right now.

My defense mechanism for barriers between God and I has always been to sort of ignore it and retreat to this apathetic state of mind.

I think I've probably tried to stay occupied and find hope in some other circumstantial things. Future plans, having fun, school stuff, etc. But after a potential romantic relationship that didn't work out, winter break looming in the near future (and its lack of things to keep me occupied for a month), and other things that always fail to bring true peace and joy, I'm suddenly out of places to turn. I'm mad at God, tired of myself, and disappointed with the world.

I listened to a band called Thrice some today. They have a song called "In Exile," which is here for you to listen to:

The chorus says:

My heart is filled with songs of forever

A city that endures, where all is made new

I know I don't belong here

I'll never call this place my home

I'm just passing through

I often lose sight of this. I still try to build up my own kingdom in this world. I have to be sure of what job I'm going to have; I have to make sure I find someone to marry; I have to maintain my dignity and make sure people think I'm cool; I have to stay safe and out of danger;....the list goes on.

But my citizenship is in heaven. And in heaven, God's not going to care about what job I had. In heaven, people aren't going to be married. In heaven, no one will care who is cool because our worth will be found completely in God. And not being safe?....that will only get me to heaven faster.

So, why am I so focused on all these things? (and maybe...why are you focused on them too?)

I wish I lived like I really believed in God. I'm going to keep working on that one.

In the meantime....hold on, baby, hold on....because this place in not our home.