Cities, part 2: Las Vegas

Over this past semester, I have visited three different cities that I had never been to before.

The first was Washington D.C. I blogged about this experience in an older post.

The second was Las Vegas. I went there for a basketball tournament and didn't have to pay anything...the team in Las Vegas covered the plane tickets and hotel.

Las Vegas was interesting. I described it in a text to a friend like this:

"There is sex everywhere....it's a bit ridiculous."

No joke. First, when we exited the plane into the airport, there were tons of billboards with girls (and guys) wearing very little clothes. Then, we were driven to our hotel, which happened to be nextdoor to a strip club (don't worry, we didn't go to it....though it did feel a little weird to have to walk past it anytime we left the hotel). Walking around Vegas, there were those boxes that you drop money in and pull out a newspaper....except here there were pornographic magazines instead of newspapers. Everywhere you turn: sex. Not even an exaggeration.

Strangely, my faith in God felt more real and legitimate in Vegas.

I was surrounded by a city whose economy is based on satisfying immediate desires with counterfeit means of fulfillment. Come to Vegas, see lots of naked girls (or guys), have sex, win (probably lose)lots of money! That's the selling point. Really? Is that why millions of people visit this city every year? Is that really what all these people are searching for?

Yeah...sort of.

But it's all just fake. Sex will leave a person wanting more. Money (more than we need, anyway) will only leave us more bored, lonely, and depressed. What I have in Christ is so much better (I'm completely convinced about this) than what sex and money have to offer.

We were in Vegas for less than 48 hours (and we played 5 basketball games), so we had basically no time to spend in the city. But the thing I most wanted to do there is find some Christians who live there and just talk with them about what it's like to live in Vegas. I wondered what the church is doing in that city. With all the hurting, broken, desperate people there (either addicted to sex or having gambled away all their money), what a great opportunity for the church to rise up and offer something so much better! I assume there are good churches even in Las Vegas.....if not, one of us needs to go start one. It could be beautiful. Think about it.

The third was Memphis. (which I will save for another post)

Hold on, baby, hold on. This place is not our home.

The last month or so, I've been really distant from God. Prayer, reading the Word, worship through music, all have been difficult to do.

I feel apathetic. I feel like all the work I've tried to do to further God's kingdom has been fruitless and in vain (I know this isn't true, but knowing the truth about something doesn't always cancel out the feeling).

I started out the semester excited about outreach in the dorms, building into people, discipleship, etc. It seems like all the people I've met with and tried to build into have disappeared or, if anything, become less interested in God.

The toughest thing of all is back home. Two of my best friends, one being a huge part of my testimony and the other being someone I used to look up to spiritually, don't believe in God at all anymore. They stopped following God over a year ago, so this isn't something that just happened, but it's been getting to me lately. I've prayed for these guys quite a bit, definitely more than I've prayed about most other things. I know God has the power to bring them back...

...but He hasn't. I don't know why. I don't know what He's waiting for. I don't get it. And I'm pretty angry with God about it. Probably not a good place to be, but it's the truth about where I'm at with it.

So, that's the barrier. The wall. The chasm between God and I right now.

My defense mechanism for barriers between God and I has always been to sort of ignore it and retreat to this apathetic state of mind.

I think I've probably tried to stay occupied and find hope in some other circumstantial things. Future plans, having fun, school stuff, etc. But after a potential romantic relationship that didn't work out, winter break looming in the near future (and its lack of things to keep me occupied for a month), and other things that always fail to bring true peace and joy, I'm suddenly out of places to turn. I'm mad at God, tired of myself, and disappointed with the world.

I listened to a band called Thrice some today. They have a song called "In Exile," which is here for you to listen to:

The chorus says:

My heart is filled with songs of forever

A city that endures, where all is made new

I know I don't belong here

I'll never call this place my home

I'm just passing through

I often lose sight of this. I still try to build up my own kingdom in this world. I have to be sure of what job I'm going to have; I have to make sure I find someone to marry; I have to maintain my dignity and make sure people think I'm cool; I have to stay safe and out of danger;....the list goes on.

But my citizenship is in heaven. And in heaven, God's not going to care about what job I had. In heaven, people aren't going to be married. In heaven, no one will care who is cool because our worth will be found completely in God. And not being safe?....that will only get me to heaven faster.

So, why am I so focused on all these things? (and maybe...why are you focused on them too?)

I wish I lived like I really believed in God. I'm going to keep working on that one.

In the meantime....hold on, baby, hold on....because this place in not our home.

Fear and Sanity and God

This past weekend, I went with my friends Andy and Aaron to Washington DC for John Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

It was a pretty sweet time. The rally was a ton of fun. Crazy costumes, hilarious show with a really good message (don't believe anything you may have heard on the news about the rally).

The main theme of the rally, in my opinion, has two parts. First, the fear/sanity part. Stephen Colbert played the antagonist, talking about how there are all these things to be afraid of, showing clips of people in the media freaking out about all kinds of ridiculous things, including something about flip-flops and spiders. John Stewart played the protagonist, arguing that the media blows things way out of proportion, and, even though there are things to fear, that the American people can overcome the problems we have. The other theme was how people in America work together "every damn day" despite our racial/ethnic/socioeconomic/political/etc. differences, and that the only place where people don't work together is the media and in government. It was pretty legit. (And contrary to what Fox News says, the crowd of 200,000 people was pretty tame and accepting of everyone).

I thought it was great. We all do work together every day. It felt in some ways unifying to hear it. We can disagree on many things, but still be on the same team. Liberal, conservative, black, white, purple, other, Christian, Muslim, Jew, atheist, man, woman, straight, gay, unsure, tall, short, whatever...we are all people and we all matter.

This all being said, I did feel a bit out-of-place at times. I was out of the Bible Belt. Most people were not Christians. And though I probably agree with most of these liberal folks on many things and admire them for their activism and (whether altruistic or not) concern for things like the environment, poverty, etc., my beliefs about God are very different.

And all weekend, God felt fake. I felt like my beliefs were ridiculous and silly.

It's interesting how God feels real when I'm around lots of Christians, and fake when I'm around lots of people who don't believe in Jesus.

I know God is real. I was weak this past weekend, but I'm not questioning the truth of God. I am, however, questioning my faith, in a good way. I wish I was more exposed to the world outside of Christianity. I wish I had more experience with the "trial" of following something against the majority, which would build up perseverance in me for when I feel ridiculous for believing in Christ.

It's important to have a community of believers. But it's also important to be strong in your faith when that community is momentarily absent.

Praying for more experience in this particular trial, in order to build up my faith.

Brother Jed...and other thoughts

The last couple days, I have spent a lot of hours hanging out at Speakers Circle listening to Brother Jed. For those of you who are not familiar with Brother Jed, here is a quick summary of what he does:

Brother Jed is a Christian preacher who travels around and speaks out in the open at college campuses around the country. His methods are very controversial and confrontational, and full of provocative phrases that will draw a crowd. Many Christians and non-Christians alike are offended by some of the things he says. That being said, most of his beliefs are in-line with the majority of protestant Christians.

When I first came to Mizzou, I was pretty offended by Brother Jed and his fellow preachers. They talked about how they could barely remember the last time they had sinned and routinely called the people who stuck around to listen things like "whores" or "masturbators." I would say things like, "They are preaching hate," and, "I don't agree with the way they are going about this. It's just making Christians look bad."

I have a pretty different view on all this now. I think what Brother Jed does is pretty awesome. I still don't think I would ever say some of the ridiculous things he says, and I certainly still disagree on a few things he says....but it's hard to be critical of someone who is preaching Christ when I'm ashamed about my faith so often.

If nothing else, it gets people talking. It is amazing how easy it is to strike up a conversation about God with people in the crowd listening to Jed. This week, I had some sweet talks with various folks and even made some connections with a few people who are interested in checking out the church I go to at Mizzou. Incredible. I wish I had done this more during my college career.


Something Brother Jed said to me Thursday evening has been on my mind a lot. He asked me if I had accepted Christ, and I told him that I had. He asked me when, and I told him it happened about 12 years ago. Then he pointed toward part of the crowd and said, "You need to be discipling these people."

I'm not sure why this hit me so hard. Sometimes, it's good to be told what to do.

This got me thinking a bit about college ministry...like I need more post-graduation options. I want to be a teacher, but I also want to talk to people about Jesus. I know these are not mutually exclusive, but still.

Anyway, if nothing else, Brother Jed's statement to me has renewed a sense of importance about telling people about a relationship with Jesus.

Because this relationship is it. This is it! This isn't a part of us, just an aspect of our lives. This is why we exist, how we exist, who we are, and what we need to focus on. This is everything. The rest is a pale counterfeit to what Christ can give us.

Earlier this semester, a pastor named Dave Megill said that God is not a "harsh master who cheats." I lost it during that talk because, subconsciously, I have viewed God as that cheating, harsh master. I viewed God as weak, lacking the power to bring real joy, real holiness, and real love. I viewed God as the bringer of salvation, but yet too weak to actually affect my life. But I don't believe that's true anymore.

I hear Christians talking all the time about how they will keep falling into sin despite their relationship with God. But I don't think it's supposed to be that way. God can and will help us break out of our sinful ways. I don't know that we'll ever stop sinning completely, but to view it as something that's going to happen no matter what is a terrible perspective.

Because holiness is possible! Joy is possible too! God does want us to be happy despite our circumstances. He can break us out of depression, out of lust, out of selfishness, out of hatred. He is real; He is powerful; He is not a harsh master; and He doesn't cheat us.

He wants us to have life more abundant, and that's what is waiting for us. We just need to believe it enough to throw away all the crap that's holding us back from the truth that we all feel.

I know this post is pretty random and disconnected. I want to put my thoughts down a bit more in-depth on some of these topics in the near-ish future. In the meantime, let's keep seeking the truth and throwing away those things holding us back....not to earn God's approval, but simply to know Him more and live the abundant life He wants us to have.

There are no half-naked girls dancing around the words of Jesus.

"So, I don't care if nobody loves me, nobody loves me, nobody loves me but you.
Because the truth is never sexy. So, it's not an easy sell. You can dress her like the culture, but she'll shock 'em just as well. But she don't need an apology for being who she is. And she don't need your help making enemies."

This quote is from a song by Derek Webb that I listened to today. The lyric "the truth is never sexy" really caught my attention.

So much about the truth from the Bible, especially the words of Jesus, are in no way sexy. If they were a commercial on TV, there would be no half-naked girls dancing around.

If it were marketed toward kids, there would be no mothers to approve it. There would be no smiling, retired, old people.

There would be respected law-abiding citizens telling the audience to stay away. That it's going to ruin everything you've worked toward. It could make you sick or move away from your family or give all your money away or quit your job or lose your dignity or be killed. It would be like those commercial for new drugs, where most of the commercial would a list of bad side-effects.

But it's still the truth. And it's just as good as the preacher in church says it will be. It's just as breathtaking and exhilarating as you hope it could be. As you want it to be. It's that.

Unfortunately for a lot of us, we want the exhilaration without the side-effects. But it doesn't work that way. God requires nothing from us for His love. But we're not going to feel his love unless we do what He commands us, with disregard to what people and culture say.

Do you want to feel God's joy? That happiness that stays despite your circumstances?

Do you want to be holy? Set apart and victorious over the temptation of sin?

Do you want to feel God's love? To be special and wanted and loved, knowing God's commitment to you and His joy from being with you?

I believe those things are all possible and real. I think the key to all of them is to really believe the things Jesus tells us.

So, when Jesus says to love our enemies, let's not gossip about them. When he says to sell stuff we have (or buy fewer things) so we have money to give to the poor, let's actually give money away. When he says that it's hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven, let's make it easy on ourselves and become poor. When Jesus spends all his time with the losers, the disabled, the sick, the poor, let's spend time with those people too and become their friend and love them.

And when we do these things, we will joyous, holy, and overwhelmed by God's love. And if we don't do these things, then we're probably just faking it.

Field for sale

Matthew 13:44
"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought the field."

The kingdom of heaven, whatever that means, is so amazing and important that Jesus describes it with this little analogy. The man finds a treasure. It's far more important than anything he has, so he sells all his stuff to make sure that he gets the treasure, which is the kingdom of God.

But me, I'm not even willing to give up my savings for the kingdom of God, let alone sell things I have. I mean, what if an emergency happens and I need the money? What if I need a downpayment for a house some day? What if...

But, you see, Jesus tells a parable about people like me. It's the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). In the parable, a man leaves and gives his servants some money. God has given me some money. Some of the servants invest the money, get back more, and give it to the man. He is pleased and blesses them. The final servant hides the money, doing nothing with it, and gives it back. The money I have is hidden in a bank account. The man takes money and gives it to the faithful servants, and the worthless servant is thrown "outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." Weeping and gnashing of teeth? That's a description of hell. The servant who keeps the money and does nothing with it is thrown into hell.

So, this is a serious thing. Now, I don't think this parable is saying that God wants us to go invest into the stock market to try to get rich. But I do think this parable is saying that we should give our money away. More specifically that I should give my own money away...and invest it in something or someone that is doing the work of God.

Jesus says it so many freaking times. He tells the rich man to sell all his posessions before following him. He says that it's really hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. In Luke 14:33, he says that we can't be his disciple if we don't give up everything we have. In Luke 12:33, Jesus straight-up says "Sell your possessions and give to the poor." At the end of the same chapter he says that from everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded. Keeping money is a way to be safe in life, and in Luke 9:24, Jesus says that we will lose our life if we try to save it, and save it if we lose it. Luke 6:20 has Jesus teaching that the poor will be blessed because the kingdom of God belongs to them. And these are just the verses I found perusing things I've marked in my Bible....there's probably many more.

Maybe not all of these verses support what I'm saying, and I don't understand them all completely, but there's enough to back it up. It's clear that Jesus wants us to give up things for the kingdom. He wants us to trust him for everything, which is way easier when we don't have a savings account to trust in. Maybe I'm wrong, but should we risk distancing ourselves from God because of our excess money that will one day vanish?

I found that treasure in the field. But apparently, I'm somehow not convinced that the field is a good investment. What will you sell for that field?

Analysis of a Despedida

Leaving Medellin, I had to say a lot of goodbyes. Leaving the farm, I said goodbye to the boys that I hung out with a ton and the other farm staff, who I had grown close to. A week before then, I said goodbye to Paul, the other gringo who was there for about the same time I was. Later that Sunday, I had to say goodbye to all the church folks that I had met. Then, some final goodbyes the last couple days I was there. It felt like I was saying goodbye to at least one person every day that last week.

And goodbyes suck.

It feels so weird when you spend all your time with a group of people, then all of a sudden, you don't see them at all, and maybe even never again. It's like when a boyfriend and girlfriend break up. One moment, they are the most important people to each other....next, they are barely in each other's lives.

I've had to do this a few times in my 23 years. After high school. After LT two summers ago. After Denver last summer. After this summer in Medellin. And after this last year of my college career ends, I'm going to have to do it again.

And I had the realization a few days ago that this upcoming set of goodbyes will undoubtedly be the most difficult I've had to do. Hands down.

I wish I could take a part of college with me. Maybe that's why so many feel like they have to find someone to marry while they are in college....so they can take a part of college with them to their post-college lives...


It's strange to think of all the people I've met in my life. I wonder what percentage of those people I will see again after leaving here before I die. I bet it's a really low number. We're all going to be going off to other parts of the state/country/world to do all kinds of crazy things.

What do I conclude from this? That life is short. And these different stages or seasons of life are even shorter. So, I want to enjoy and cherish this last year as much as possible before I have to move forward to the next stage of life.

We're food for worms, lads!

So, I've been a total blog failure this Summer. Sorry about that.

I come home on Wednesday. That's so crazy. Time has totally flown by. There have been some awesome moments, some sad ones, some boring ones, and many exciting ones.

Today, I said goodbye to the boys from the farm, and some of the staff. Here are a couple highlights:

First, last night, Orlando, one of the guys who helps run the farm, showed me a video last night. The video was of this guy named Nick Vujicic who has no arms or legs. He goes around speaking to huge crowds about Christ. I had seen the video before, and it's pretty legit. I normally like to stay away from "overcoming adversity" people, but this guy has a freakin' awesome message. Here's a link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td069At34TM
Anyway, Orlando told me that I remind him of this guy, which was really encouraging.

Second, today, I gave my watch to one of the kids at the farm. It cost me 8000 pesos (which is about 4 dollars) downtown in Medellin, but it really meant a lot to him. He then gave me something in return, along with an encouraging note. "Amigos por siempre"


So yeah, spending the last couple nights here in the city before I have to say more goodbyes. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will get another chance to talk to a guy I met at church a couple weeks ago. He told me about his life....which was filled with a lot of gang stuff, killing, drugs, and other crazy stuff. But he wants to change, and probably has changed a ton, but still struggles with the desire to return to that type of life. For some reason, he chose me, the gringo with limited Spanish, to open up to. So, while he was crying (this is a guy who at first seemed to have his stuff together) and sharing about everything, I was sitting there trying to pick up as many words as possible. We read Romans 8 and I got to share the story of Paul and how God used someone who did terrible things in his past (like kill lots of people) and some other stuff.

So.....I'll update again soon with more things that have happened this summer. Dios les bendiga!

Read this post to earn a special prize!

So, these are my notes for what I taught the youth at the churches here. I didn't say everything exactly how it is on here, but I followed this general outline and added or removed some things as I was teaching. If you read all of this post, you get a special prize (the satisfaction of having read all of the post).


1. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2. GIVING UP ON MIRACLES

I start with these verses because of what people think when they see me. I have had several people ask me if I have prayed for a miracle. I even had someone tell me that God was going to heal me. Yes, I used to ask God for healing, and when I was younger even expected it. I would ask God, "Why? Why me?" I could have given up on life and just waited around for physical healing from God.

But, fortunately, like Paul, I gave up on that specific miracle.

What if Paul would have stopped spreading the news of Christ because of his "thorn"? We wouldn't have half the New Testament, and the Gospel would not have spread to the Gentiles like it did.

What if I would have given up? I certainly wouldn't be here in Medellín. I wouldn't be in college. I wouldn't have gotten to do all the cool things that I have the privilege to do.

And according to this passage, I don’t need a miracle. God says that his grace is sufficient and that He is powerful in our weaknesses.

That's not to say that I don't wish I could walk. I would love to not have a disability. But that's not for me to decide.

3. James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

4. THE ADVANTAGE OF WEAKNESS

Why does James tell us to consider our trials "pure joy"? For us, it's hard to not be bitter during trials. If we can not be angry, that seems pretty good for us. But James tells us to be thankful for our trials! How crazy is that?

We ask for blessing all the time, but do we ever ask for trials? What would that look like?

What if, instead of asking for blessings, we ask God for whatever strengthens our relationship with him, whether that be blessing or trial? Are we willing to ask for trials in order to strengthen our faith?

This is where we have to figure out if we value comfort over our relationship with God. This is something we all probably struggle with.

God does not promise us comfort. He promises us trials:

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33

We will have trouble, but God will give us peace.

5. IDENTIFYING YOUR WEAKNESSES

What are you "weaknesses"? Here are some that I found:

Fear.
Depression.
Finances.
Tough family life…or not having a family.
Insecurity.
Physical problems.
Pride.
Lack of trust.
Anger.
Doubt and Unbelief.
Temptation.
Idols: wealth, boyfriend/girlfriend, intelligence

6. WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES KEEPING YOU FROM DOING?

Are your weaknesses keeping you from following God in any way?

Let's look at Moses.

Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?"
2 Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?"
"A staff," he replied.
3 The LORD said, "Throw it on the ground."
Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. 4 Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. 5 "This," said the LORD, "is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you."
6 Then the LORD said, "Put your hand inside your cloak." So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, [a] like snow.
7 "Now put it back into your cloak," he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.
8 Then the LORD said, "If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second. 9 But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground."
10 Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."
11 The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
13 But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."
-Exodus 4:1-13

God provided all these miraculous signs for Moses, and yet he still didn't believe that God could use him to do his purpose. Moses thought that because of his speech problem, God couldn't use him.

Often, we think the same way. But God used Moses to free the Israelites anyway.

Let's not let our imperfections get in the way of God working in our lives.

I don't have the gift of prophecy, but I think that for many of us in here, God has something he wants us to do…something that we don't think we can do. It could be anything: apologizing to a friend you have wronged, going to another country for college, becoming a pastor or missionary, or telling somebody about Jesus. I don't know, but if you are like me, there is always something crazy that God is wanting us to do.

My encouragement to you is to not be limited by your weaknesses, but to let God use you to accomplish his purpose.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13

So, here is a video we took on a trail we explored today. Hope you enjoy.

In other news, there's not a ton of news. Things are going well, and we'll be back at the farm with the boys on Monday (keep your fingers crossed). I also got asked to teach the youth at church (both at the downtown church in the morning and the Robledo church in the afternoon) in a couple weeks, so I have been preparing for that. I have written out what I'm going to teach on and everything, now I just need to work on doing that....in Spanish. But I have another week to work on it.

I'll be updating again soon, hopefully.

Ciao, amigos!

Title of Blog Post Goes Here

My posts so far have made it sound like my time here in Colombia has been amazing and without any problems. Part of that is true. It has been amazing, and I haven't had any major problems like getting mugged, getting sick, getting hit by bus, or anything else life-threatening.

But, that's not to say that parts haven't been difficult.

A couple days ago I started to feel a bit homesick. I hate being torn between two places. It is such a strange feeling. Knowing that you're only going to be somewhere for a few months is strange. It's like when you go through a breakup: for a time, the other person is the most important person in your life, then after a breakup, they're barely a part of it. Being in a place for a small time feels like being in a relationship that you know is not going to last.

I've also started to feel a bit caged....mainly when I'm at the Perrows' house in Medellín. I've heard so much cautionary advice that I'm a bit afraid to go out...plus, I've never hailed a taxi or been in the city without someone who lives here. I also don't have a vehicle (first time without one since I was 16), so I'm having to rely on others for transportation, which is a humbling experience. There have been a few rough days because of the 'feeling caged' thing. Fortunately, I'm about to head out into the city with Paul to explore a bit...hopefully, I can gain some independence in getting around and using public transportation.

Another contributing factor has been my lack of discipline in spending time with God, which is ironic considering the nature of the trip. This is usually at the heart of whatever problem I'm having, but like the Israelites, I seem to forget pretty often. I think I'm on the upswing in this area though.

That being said, there are some amazing people that I've gotten to know, which has made my time here so far really great.

Changing subject....

Culturally, there are many differences here in Colombia. But I haven't really experienced much culture shock because there are so many ways that it is similar. An example of this happened last night. Bill Perrow, his son Michael, Paul, and I went to Éxito, which is like a Safeway or a small WalMart. Most of us who have lived in a town with a Walmart as a kid have stories of ridiculous things we've done in WalMart. Well, last night at Éxito, Michael pushed Paul around in store wheelchair with a riculous cart-thing attached to the front the whole time we were there. And I couldn't help thinking that this is just like other stupid things we do at Walmarts back in the States.

Another thing I want to mention is about posting pictures on here. Legally, I am not allowed to post full-face pictures of kids in the program online....which is part of the reason that I don't have any pictures of the kids up. (Also, because I am pretty lazy when it comes to taking pictures). Hopefully, I'll be able to take some creative photos of the kids (such as all of us covering part of our faces with our hands) that I can put on here. The main reason for all this is to protect identities....which I don't think would be a problem on this blog, but it is probably best to just follow the rules.

Finally, I would like to let Darren Webb and Dustin Marks know that I have now heard Days of Elijah (Los Días de Elías) in two languages.

A week and a half in...

Sooooo, it's been a while since I posted.

On Sunday, I attended my first Colombian church service in the driveway/patio at the Perrows' house. The church meets outside under a tent. Then, the little kids go in one room and the youth in another. It had a bit of a different feel to it...a little more upbeat than most services. Afterwards, all of us gringos went up in front of the group and sang a song in English (I think it was "Lord, I Life Your Name On High). Then, Bill told the congregation that I would be teaching English....and a bunch of them wanted me to help them learn English. So, we set up times for that to happen today (Saturday...six days later). I had three kids come this morning, which wasn't as many as I thought would come, but it was still good.

I spent Monday through Friday on the farm with the boys. That was a good time overall. I didn't get a ton of work done because the boys are off school and just hanging out, but I was okay with that. I haven't had any formal classes with the boys, but Paul and I have spent a ton of time informally teaching the kids English....while they teach us Spanish. That's been good because we all something to teach and something to learn.

The food is very different what we usually eat in the US. For breakfast, we have an arepa (sort of a thick soft taco shell) with a block of queso. Every day. Luckily, it's pretty good. Every other meal...and I mean every meal, we have rice. Luckily, I like rice. Usually, we have some type of meat or vegetable too. We have various types of juice made from fruits that we don't have in the US. Overall, the food is good, though. On Wednesday, we took the boys to a waterpark (which they get to do maybe once a year, and only when a group of gringos comes), and instead of pizza or a hotdog like you would expect, this is what I had at the waterpark food court:

Another thing that needs to be understood about Colombia is how schedules work. They are very tentative. You have to be able to go with the flow and be ready to change it up. For example, Paul and I just found out that most of the boys will be going to their homes for a two week vacation before school starts up again. Only five of the twenty-five boys are staying at the farm. Not only that, the team from West Virginia is leaving on Monday. So....Paul and I might stay in Medellin for part of the week and explore. But we don't really know what's going to happen. We'll see.

In future blog posts, I hope to be a little more insightful and deeper.

But until then, here are some pictures of the Boys Farm:

First day at the farm!

Day 2 was not quite as exciting as Day 1. I hung out at the Perrows' house, played some Fifa (I'm going to have to become a futbol fan....I'm in South America during the World Cup), and read a little bit. I got to hear a few Spanish worship songs a bit later, which was cool. Later in the night, the team from West Virginia came. I was expecting a youth group....because youth groups do mission trips, right? Well, it turns out that it's all older folks with jobs and families and stuff, which will be good. They seem to be pretty strong in their faith and seem like good people.

BUT...today was pretty amazing. In the morning after breakfast, we (the team and some of the staff) gathered outside to go over some rules and such. Then, we had a devotion. It was about prayer....which is something that I'll never completely understand. I know we are supposed to do it, but there are a lot of views on why, what the effect is, etc. We prayed through one of the Psalms, meaning that we would read some verses, pray, and repeat. It was pretty awesome. We talked about how prayer is essential, and not something we just tack on. This is something I need to work on.

Most of the team is staying about a week and a half, but another guy, Paul (or Pablo in Spanish), is staying almost as long as I am. Then, he's going to Chile and traveling the world...or something awesome and crazy like that. Anyway, he's a pretty legit guy, I won't be the only gringo spending the summer here.

Then, we went to the farm. We drove up this crazy-steep hill to get there...I didn't know cars could go over inclines like this. We stopped for a bit to see the view from where we were, and I took a video of it:

When we got to the farm, the first thing I did was roll through cow poop and get it on my hand. Great way to start off.

But the boys were awesome. They were super-friendly and excited to see us gringos. It should be fun to hang out with these kids all summer. We went up to the computer room with all the recently donated computers, and the first thing they did was get on Facebook, haha. One of the kids that added me as a friend posted on my wall "como esta tu relacion con DIOS", which means "How is your relationship with God?" I thought that was cool.

I also found out more about what I'm going to be doing. I'm going to prepare some lesson plans that will both help the kids learn how to do things on the computer (such as using a search engine to find out information) and learn about God. I'll teach the lesson plans, but also keep a record for them so that they can be used in the future. The goal is about 50 lesson plans, so could be taught once a week for a year in the future. I'll also get to help teach English to the boys using the computers. If you know of a good, free, online program for learning English, let me know!

So yeah, I'm excited.

Also, all the famous Colombians on the money have sweet mustaches:

First day in Colombia!

Wow. My first day in Medellín, Colombia, has passed. I've done more cool things today than I have the last four weeks of the summer. Let's start from the beginning.

At 3am, we left my house in Festus for Lambert Airport, saying goodbyes to my family, etc. Flight leaves St. Louis at 6am, and I arrive in Miami. An hour later, I leave Miami for Medellín. Here's the first interesting story.

When checking in at Miami, the nice airport employee sees that my seat is in the 27th row of the plane, and asks if I want to be moved closer to the front. I tell her that would be great. Then, she asks me if it would be okay if I flew in First Class. That sounded good to me, haha! So, I was in the front of the plane, and I got served a three course meal! Starting with salad and bread. Then, I had the halibut with potatoes. Finishing it off with an ice cream dessert and a glass of wine. And I didn't have to pay for any of this! Every time they brought me something, I just kind of laughed to myself a little bit because it felt so weird that I'm enjoying this fancy meal on the way to a foreign country to work with an organization that helps homeless kids. But....I very rarely will turn down a free meal.

When I arrived in Colombia, the airport people were very nice, showed me where to go, and helped me cut through lines (wheelchair powers at work!). I was told my Spanish was very good...though, I can't understand anybody unless they speak pretty slowly and enunciate.

I was picked up by Luis Eduardo, a guy who works for Open Arms and knows barely any English. We had a good time talking (and attempting to understand each other) on the drive into the city. He was super-friendly and said that the kids will love me and that I'll learn a ton of Spanish. Here, things were feeling pretty surreal as I was taking in the sights with the windows rolled down....it was great.

Before I go on, I need to describe how people drive here. It's not like how people drive in the US. In the US, people stay in their lanes and try to avoid conflict. Here in Colombia, there are motorcycles weaving in and out of traffice, people passing each other contantly, cutting each other off, cars stopped in the road...it's just insane. Yet, it's a controlled chaos, and I felt oddly safe in the van with Luis Eduardo.

Upon first getting a glimpse of the city and the mountains....it was incredible. It brought me back to the first time I ever saw mountains, two years ago driving to Estes Park, Colorado. On this drive, Luis encouraged me to get out my camara and take some pictures. And so I did!

Curvo Peligroso = Dangerous Curve

The city of Medellín!

 Road leading up an insanely steep hill to the place where I'm staying.

We arrived at the house of Bill and Wanda Perrow, the founders of the Open Arms Foundation. I got to see my room, which is great. There's only two steps into it, and I have my own bathroom. I hung out here for a while with Justin, Michael, Juan Guillermo, and Christian. Then, we and a guy from the US named Doug who may be living here indefinitely working with Open Arms (he's still trying to figure that out) went down to the city to try to get a battery for Doug's laptop. This journey had us walking up the hill pictured above (so steep!), me riding on a motorcycle for a while (intense, but I'm still alive), traveling on the Metro over mountains and buildings (shown below, but earlier in the day), riding the subway, and riding a taxi back. We didn't find the right type of battery, but I did make my first purchase using pesos, which was a juice beverage.

Back at the Perrows', we had burgers for dinner. I haven't met Bill yet, but his wife Wanda is super nice, and they have an incredibly cute little girl that likes to push my chair around. Then, after watching the end of the Resident Evil movie with some of the guys...here I am writing this and going to bed. Crazy day.

The team from West Virginia gets here tomorrow night, so I'll probably just be hanging out here tomorrow. I still haven't seen the Open Arms building or the Boys Farm or met any of the kids in the program...but I'm okay with taking some time to adapt first! God is good!

And I can't kill this stupid mosquito in my room tonight. Grr.....

The Final Countdown

So, I will be leaving my house for the airport 24 hours after writing this. In 27 hours, I will leave Lambert International Airport. In 30 hours, I will be in Miami, making a connecting flight. In 34 hours, I will be in Medellín, Colombia.

I'm feeling a little better about the trip now. The last few days have been really fun and encouraging. Here, I will list some highlights. Lunch with AJ (friend from Mizzou) on Saturday, then driving up to Columbia for Ben and Mazvita's wedding. The wedding was a reunion of sorts, and not only did I get to witness the marriage of two awesome people, but I also got to hang out with a ton of awesome friends and dance like a dancin' fool. Sunday morning, I got to hear a really good message from my home church's associate pastor who used to be a missionary in Mexico. I had lunch with Darren (friend from home). Then, I got to hang out with Stacey and Evan (friends who used to live in Columbia, Missouri), eating Steak 'n' Shake and winning a game of Settlers. Today, I went out to eat with family to celebrate my parents' 36th wedding anniversary. Tonight, I used Skype to talk to some friends in Colorado and at Mizzou.

A lot of the worry and anxiety about the trip has subsided, and now I'm feeling pretty excited about it. My first week and a half there, I will be working with a mission trip group from West Virginia. I'm not sure specifically what I'll being doing during this time, but it will be relatively structured because of the group. Then, after the group leaves on June 21st, things will be a little different.

I read Psalm 63 today. I want to seek God with the passion that David describes in the psalm. I have bolded the truth that lies behind why I want to seek God. In the end, God will uphold us while we cling to Him. Here are the first eight verses of it for your reading pleasure:

"O God, you are my God;
earnestly, I seek you.
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed, I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

When I write my next post, I will be in South America! Hopefully, with some cool pictures or something. ¡Nos vemos, mis amigos!

"Are you ready for your trip?"

"Are you ready for your trip?"

I never know how to answer this question. 'Yes' and 'no' are both appropriate answers. Yes, I've raised money for the trip, gotten immunizations, bought a plane ticket, and have the logistics in place. No, I don't think I'm emotionally or spiritually ready, I haven't prepared enough through working on my Spanish and spending time with God.

"Are you excited for your trip?"

Double answer here again. If I were not going, I would be wishing that I was going. So, 'Yes,' but only in the sense that the alternative would be boring. But a resounding 'No' has been the theme of the past week. I can't believe I'll be in South America in less than a week. I've felt almost depressed at a few moments this week....because I know this whole thing is going to tough. It's going to be so unlike anything I've ever done, with so many added difficulties that I've yet to experience.

But the thing I fear most is the fear of just being in the way. I fear that I won't really have any contribution to the Open Arms Foundation (the organization I'm working with) or much positive influence on the kids. There are two mains reasons for this: language barrier and my disability. Talking to the kids will be difficult, and I won't be able to help out much with physical tasks around the farm. I'll get to teach English and computer stuff, but that will only comprise a portion of my time there. I really don't know what to expect.

When I'm feeling down, the problem is usually rooted in me not spending time with God. I wonder what's going on, then have a "Duh" moment (pictured here) where I realize that I need to go to God.

My weaknesses seem especially apparent right now, like they were waiting for a perfect time to jump out from behind the corner to mess with me. Fortunately, Jesus says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness."

Now, I just have to believe that.

Worth The Risk

When you are single, it feels like that is how it will always be. Not that being single is a bad thing. Jesus and the disciples (Mathew 19) and Paul (I Corinthians 7) all think it's a good way to go. Part of me completely agrees. There are a lot of advantages to being single. For one, it is low-pressure. Being in a relationship is tough, and you have to spend a lot of time trying to get things right. Being single is cheaper. It also gives you more freedom to go wherever and do cool things that may not be possible if you have a family to think about.

Unfortunately, like the majority of us guys, I spend around 92.7% (or whatever the number is) of my conscious thought on the opposite sex. Not that this is that terrible of a thing, but the fraction of my life that this consumes is way higher than it should be.

I want to get married someday. It's a want, not a need, so I think I'll be okay if that never happens. But I hope it does happen. To be chosen, to be in that kind of exclusive relationship, to be loved, to serve God together, to get to have sex without feeling bad about it...so many things that would make it worth it.

At the same time, it's scary as hell. To have to open up and completely vulnerable with someone is a bit terrifying. It's a crazy risk to take. It's also a beautiful risk very well worth taking.

"And what did he do to deserve

This whore of a wife who parades her disgrace to his face now
When he loved her and gave up his life in more ways than she knows how"

And I can't help but wonder what God was thinking when he took a risk on us. He had to have known how much we would cheat on Him....with idols and money and selfishness and hate and greed and the list goes on. If I do get married someday, being cheated on will probably always be a fear of mine no matter how awesome my wife is. I can't imagine what that would feel like. It makes me think that it would be better to just stay single.

"Love is a beautiful thing

She can make your heart sing

When you're walking on broken glass
She will open your eyes

Make your heart feel alive
Point you toward the sunrise
Help you leave all this broken mess behind."
-from "Broken Mess" by The Classic Crime (both quotes)
 
But that's not how God felt. God knew it would be worth it, even through the pain He would feel from all of us cheating on Him. God loves us that much...that even when we are not faithful, He still is.

That fear of rejection we all have? God's been through it and knows how it feels.

Maybe We Need To Leave

"Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts)
 
 
Coming back home to Festus is a strange experience for me. Since I'm in Festus an average of 4 or 5 times a year, there are both gradual and abrupt changes. It seems like every time I come back, things are different, but there is still a progression of change. And many of the changes have been pretty tough at times.
 
I'm not a good prayer. From what I've read in the Bible about prayer, it seems to be all about persistence. We are to pray without ceasing, and Jesus even tells a parable in Luke 11:5-8 about how someone will give you what you ask because of your boldness, and not just because the person is your friend (Read it if you haven't. I think about prayer a lot differently because of this parable). Most of the time, I'm pretty inconsistent with prayer time, and I'm also usually not all that bold.
 
But some of the times I have been most bold and consistent is when praying for friends who used to be living for God, but have since drifted away. It's so weird to have people who I once looked up to spiritually that now want nothing to do with God.
 
It makes my faith feel fake. It exposes my own weakness, as it is so difficult to bring up the topic of God anymore to them. It has taken a town that was once a place of spiritual inspiration and turned it into a desert. I know God is faithful, but it can be hard to believe here.
 
I'm glad I get to come home and be around family. I'm glad I get to hang out with friends that are still here in town. I'm glad I get to go back to Faith Baptist Church and see people there who have taught me a lot about God. Those things make it worth coming back. But I'm also glad that I'm only here for short periods of time....because I would suffocate if I had to stay here too long.
 
I think that's one reason many people drift away from God. Life becomes stale and boring, and we lose a focus. Sometimes, we have to seek adventure to save ourselves from boredom, which is probably one of the devil's most potent weapons. We start to feel like our life is just as good without God. We question what the point of it all is and go back to our old life.

In the song "This Week The Trend" by Relient K, these words are found:

 

"And I just want to get mugged at knifepoint. To get cut enough to wake me up. Cause I know that I don't want to die sitting around watching my life go by."

 

One of my weaknesses is that I can get bored easily. Perhaps that is a weakness of yours also. Fortunately, God is strong in our weakness, and can used our boredom to cause us to leave our comfort zones and chase after God. Let's not be afraid to get mugged or cut up a bit. Death by lukewarm boredom is a far more cowardly death than anything another human can do to us.

There's nothing wrong with staying in your hometown....but many of us were never meant to stay.

You Are Better Than Me

I probably like you. I like most people. And if you are reading this, I probably know you in some capacity, and I can't think of many people I don't like offhand. To go a bit further, I approve of you as a person. You have my respect, whether or not I agree with things you do or believe.

I say this because a lot of us struggle with this kind of thing. If someone doesn't approve of me, thinks I'm stupid or unimportant, or doesn't like me, it can drive me crazy. And for some reason, a lot of people don't like each other. It's terrible.


Here's a true story that happened recently:
I randomly met this guy, and we had a conversation. A really cool conversation about God. I was really encouraged by the stuff we talked about, and learned a few things from his story.
Later that day, I was with some friends who happened to know the guy. I started to talk about the conversation I had had, but was immediately stopped by the sudden realization that these people had such a low opinion of him. I was really surprised because I didn't know I was supposed to dislike the guy.
And the crazy thing is that it's all Christians in the story. The guy, my friends, and me. We're all pulling for the same thing. Why do we not like each other? Although this was a specific instance, this kind of thing happens a lot. Now, I wonder who doesn't like me. Scary.


In Phillipians 2:3-4, Paul says:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (emphasis mine)

Consider others better than me? That is not an easy task, but it is so important to do. It also goes against a lot of what we're taught. Very counter-inuitive....like almost everything Jesus ever said.

The first shall be last. To live, you must first die. By losing everything, you are really gaining everything. The foolish will shame the wise. God's power is made stronger in our weakness.

So, if I am smarter than you, you are still more important than I am. If I am better-looking, you are still more important than I am. If I am stronger, have more money, have a more-attractive girlfriend, or am a better musician, you are still better than me.

You are better than me, and I like you.

I think that's what Jesus said when he came to earth to die to save us. He was telling us that we are more important...or at least more important than his life. Even if I am God, you are still more important than me. That is our example to follow.

Let's like each other. Let's consider others better than ourselves. Let's become humble servants. If nothing else, it makes life way more interesting (if everyone is better than us, we can never be in boring company).

Origins

My favorite movie is Dead Poets Society, and it will always hold that dear place in my heart. No other movie, no matter how much I enjoy it, will ever speak to me like DPS does.

The central theme of DPS, in my opinion (and I've seen it many times), is the importance of chasing after your dreams, even if there is great risk of failure. Todd Anderson opens up in front of everyone despite his intense fear. Neil pursues acting against his father's will. Charlie "Nuwanda" Dalton accepts a phone call from God during a meeting, saying that girls should be admitted to his school. Knox Overstreet goes into the classroom of the girl he loves and reads her a poem even though she wants nothing to do with him....and he gets the girl in the end. Though lots of costly mistakes are made, these boys learn to live life to the fullest and not be complacent.

And that is how I want to live my life.

In the movie, they talk about the Latin phrase, "Carpe Diem." This means "Seize the Day." Or, in Spanish, "Aprovecha el Día."

I think that I have succeeded in doing this in many ways, but I am definitely not good at it, and it is most certainly not easy to do. Fortunately, my fear of regret is a powerful motivator. Regret is a terrible thing to carry around.


I'm starting this blog for a couple of reasons. One reason is to keep people updated about my adventures this summer in Medellín, Colombia. I'm super-pumped about this trip. Eight weeks in South America, working with the Open Arms Foundation. I know that this will probably be one of the most intense and life-changing things I've ever done, and that God is going to be more real to me there than anywhere else I've been.

At the same time, I dread the trip. It's the same dread that came before I climbed Eagle Cliff. The same dread that comes right before every important basketball game I've played in. The same dread that came last summer everytime I went downtown in Denver to hang out with my homeless friends. The same dread that comes everytime I have to do something that is going to rip me from my comfort zone. But I know that if I don't do it, I will never be happy with myself.

The other reason for starting this is just because I wanted to. From time to time, I have stuff I want to share, and I hope that you might come back and read more of the words I type in the future.