I feel apathetic. I feel like all the work I've tried to do to further God's kingdom has been fruitless and in vain (I know this isn't true, but knowing the truth about something doesn't always cancel out the feeling).
I started out the semester excited about outreach in the dorms, building into people, discipleship, etc. It seems like all the people I've met with and tried to build into have disappeared or, if anything, become less interested in God.
The toughest thing of all is back home. Two of my best friends, one being a huge part of my testimony and the other being someone I used to look up to spiritually, don't believe in God at all anymore. They stopped following God over a year ago, so this isn't something that just happened, but it's been getting to me lately. I've prayed for these guys quite a bit, definitely more than I've prayed about most other things. I know God has the power to bring them back...
...but He hasn't. I don't know why. I don't know what He's waiting for. I don't get it. And I'm pretty angry with God about it. Probably not a good place to be, but it's the truth about where I'm at with it.
So, that's the barrier. The wall. The chasm between God and I right now.
My defense mechanism for barriers between God and I has always been to sort of ignore it and retreat to this apathetic state of mind.
I think I've probably tried to stay occupied and find hope in some other circumstantial things. Future plans, having fun, school stuff, etc. But after a potential romantic relationship that didn't work out, winter break looming in the near future (and its lack of things to keep me occupied for a month), and other things that always fail to bring true peace and joy, I'm suddenly out of places to turn. I'm mad at God, tired of myself, and disappointed with the world.
I listened to a band called Thrice some today. They have a song called "In Exile," which is here for you to listen to:
Keep holding on, Justino, mi amigo. I can break into Avril if you want. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmukW1sNlIk
Also, "In Exile" is my ringtone for you!
nice! I wish that was my ringtone, haha
ReplyDelete"These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past – are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited." - C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
ReplyDeleteThe brethren of The Messiah are but "aliens and pilgrims while on the earth" because their "citizenship is in Heaven" and so it is that they have taken heed unto the exhortation too:
ReplyDelete“Love Not The World”
”For the WHOLE(not just a portion) world is under the control of the evil one”.......(I John 5:19)
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world will pass away, and the lust thereof: but he that does the will of The Only True GOD will abide for ever.”(IJohn2:15-17)
“If you were of the world, the world would love it’s own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said unto you, the servant is not greater than his Master. If they have persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept My saying, they will keep yours also.” (John15:19-20)
“Where do wars and fighting among you come from? Do they not come of your lusts that war in your members? You lust, and have not: you kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: you fight and war yet you have not, because you ask not. You ask, and receive not, because you ask amiss, that you may consume it upon your lusts. You adulterers and adulteresses, don’t you know that friendship with the world is to be at enmity with The Only True GOD? Therefore whoever will be a friend of the world is the enemy of The Only True GOD.” (James 4:1-4)
“The world cannot hate you; but the world hates Me, because I testify that the works of this world are evil.” (John 7:7)” and “The Messiah gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of The Only True God, Our Father.”(Gal 1:4)
The Messiah testified: “If the world hates you know that it hated Me before it hated you.”(John 5:18) Truly, Truly, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone: but if it die it brings forth much fruit. He that loves his life in this world shall lose it; and he that hates his life in this world shall have it unto life eternal.” (John 12:24-25)
John testified: “Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hates you.” (I John 3:13) “ James testified, “Whoever would be a friend of this world is the enemy of GOD”(James4:4)
"Come Out of her, MY people"!
Global warming, polluted air, land and waters, toxic wastes, sexual perversion, evil inventions of destruction, greed, hate, carnal warfare, dis-ease(no-peace),,etc,, are all destructive processes that have their root in “the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life” all of which fuel the fires of mankind’s “imag”ination ;-(
"Come out from among them and be separate"!
Peace, in spite of the dis-ease(no-peace) that is of this world and it's systems of religion, for "the WHOLE(not just a portion) world is under the control of the evil one" indeed and Truth......
Truth IS, a lie never was and is not.......
Abide in Truth....... francis